The Institute

"Hello and thank you all for joining us on this blustery day in Vermont. I'm proud to appear before you today to help cut the ribbon on a project I have dreamed about for years. Governor, thank you for agreeing to come and cut the ribbon - I guess I don't need to show you how to do that do I, eh? Ha Ha Ha.

"Today I would like to welcome you all to the first day of the Institute of Awesomeness. This has long been a focus of mine, a vision I had since childhood. As you know, the institute will be the official sactioner of all things kick ass.

"Briefly, the genesis of this can be found in the way awesomeness is designated these days. Willy nilly. That is not acceptible. Yes, we have the 1st amendment defending free speech, but we do not have a free awesomeness amendment - and I will fight to the death any ACLU-loving liberal who wants one! Thus, I will take the reigns and work tirelessless to restore traditional American values of awesomeness.

"At the dawn of this new era, I have already chosen some of our leading staffers and plan to continue to search high and far for talented, commited individuals to defend our traditional values. In the meantime, let me take just a second to introduce to you our initial senior staff.

"Andy Barnard will be the first head of the 'Funny but Tasteless' division of the Institute. He thought, and I quote, 'Borat was the bomb.' Sandra Bobanna will run our 'Silliness' division and will initially help out with the 'Shows about Pain' division as we search for a qualified leader there. Sandra trips constantly and finds it hysterical. Lastly, Ryan Traylor will head up our 'Chicks' divisions. He comes with a stunning resume and I feel he will be an excellent member of this team.

"Anyway, that is our team. That is our mission. Thank you all for coming and thank you for your support. Governor, let's cut that ribbon."